Last year, I was included in a group text between women in my family that are all amazing mothers. The text read “Happy Mothers Day!” I responded with question marks and said “but I’m not a Mom…” One of my sisters-in-law chimed in mentioning that Aaliyah (my stepdaughter) is lucky to have a stepmom like me. I laughed to myself a little. I’m the lucky one with Aaliyah; she’s been a sweetheart to me since the day I met her. I love her as if she were my own. However, I didn’t think that Aaliyah saw me as anything close to a mother figure. I might have been just her dad’s wife to her. I’m just happy to have her around when time and circumstances permit. If she sees me as just a friend, I’ll take it. A tween needs someone to confide in, someone to make her feel at home. And I can be that!

(pictures or Jay, Aaliyah, and I from Christmas a couple years back)

Jay and I have been married for more than a year now. We don’t have any children together. I don’t really put too much of the very personal details of our lives out there and especially in this form. But the fact is, in our 14 months of marriage, we have not yet been blessed with the opportunity to be parents to children of our own. I can laugh off the constant hounding from friends and family asking when “our turn” is. But there are moments (thankfully they are few and far between) that it makes me sad and I feel inadequate as a woman and as a wife because we haven’t fulfilled something that seems to be so easy for other people. Whether we conceive naturally or not, adoption is something we are considering. Natural or adoptive parenthood may not even happen. Still… Jay makes sure to thank me for the relationship I have with his daughter. He reminds me that in the meantime that our flourishing business is our baby, and I’m kind of the “mother” at our shop. The validation of my strengths as a woman, as a businesswoman, as a human being means the world to me.

Aaliyah spent the last several days with us. It was a handful of days comprised of school projects, laughter, dancing (more like me and Jay dancing while she rolled her eyes at us), and talking about our fears and dreams.  She also hung out at the shop and saw us and the rest of our team hustling hard to build an empire that may be hers one day if she wants it.

This morning, Aaliyah and Jay went to fetch breakfast so we could all share a meal together at the condo. When they got back, I was called to the kitchen by the sounds of Aaliyah unpacking our food. Our normal “good morning” greeting was a “Happy Mother’s Day” from her. My heart smiled, and I knew that any feeling of sadness about not holding an official title of “mother” was erased.  And my face smiled in a way I have never smiled before.  I’m the stepmother to a brilliant and kind soul, someone who is not blood-related to me, but shares the kind of heart I have. It was a validation that, in my quiet thoughts alone now, bring me to tears.

As I celebrate Mother’s Day for the first time this year (without any feelings of inadequacy), I wish a HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all the women out there that nurture the kind of love in others that keep our world a beautiful one.

(The Lopezes – May 2016)